What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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