your parents love me but you hate me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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