she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
