I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
