The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
