i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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