Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
