I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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