i was born a porn star she said
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
