Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
