I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
