Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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