Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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