I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
