im having a threesome with these popsicles
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ladies don't puke and tell
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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