If i come over, it means nothing
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize