party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Found your dick twin last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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