I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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