I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
