It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
