I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
