Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
