I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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