please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
