i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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