my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
