when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
