Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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