glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
