You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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