I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
