I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is my gift to your gina
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
