Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
