Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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