If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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