Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
