ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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