You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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