I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
