I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
