did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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