tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
