My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
