It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
