I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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