pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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