Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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