someone get that fucking seahorse.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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