and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
