this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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