I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
