Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
