How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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