I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
