the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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