im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
