Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
