Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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