watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
