One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
