You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need to stop coming to work sober
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
