Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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