Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
