I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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